How to Cope With Bullies

"Perhaps the most important thing to remember when dealing with a bully is to believe in yourself.  Remind yourself that what a bully says isn't true.  The bully is the one with the problem, not you!" 

Bullies are kids who try to show that they are stronger or more powerful than other kids by:

• Spreading rumors
• Name calling
• Putting people down
• Making threats
• Physical assults like pushing and hitting
• Excluding kids from a group

What differentiates bullying from teasing is that bullying is a pattern of behavior meant to hurt, embarrass and frighten other kids.  Teasing can be a part of the harassment, and it often takes place in areas where teachers or other adults are scarce.  According to the Crisis Prevention Institute, Inc., bullying behavior peaks in the middle school years.  In high school, bullying may take the form of sexual harassment.

So what can parents do when their child is being bullied or harassed?  Here is some advice from the Crisis Prevention Institute, Inc. 

• Listen to your child's concerns and take them seriously.  If you dismiss name calling or put-downs as unimportant, your child may not come to you for support if the behavior becomes more dangerous.
• Find out exactly what behavior your child has experienced.  If you or your child believes that the situation is unsafe, call your child's teacher or the principal and ask for a meeting to discuss the problem.  Demand a plan of action.
• Encourage your child to walk away, rather than to fight with a bully.  While it is often good advice to tell your child to share his or her feelings with others, in the case of harassment, remember that bullies want to hurt your child's feelings.  If your child tells the bully that he or she feels bad, the bully has accomplished his or her goal.  Tell your child to pretend he or she is not bothered and encourage them to talk to you about their feelings.
• Encourage your child to avoid the bully and stay with a group of kids.  Friends can show support for one another and can also be witnesses to the harasser's behavior.
• Tell you child to report any incidents in which other students are being harassed.  Bullies often get away with their behavior because it is one kid's word against another.  Tell your child to report bullying to the teacher or principal.
• Teach your child to believe in themselves.  Remind them that they are not the one with the problem, the bully is.  Build your child's self-esteem and self-confidence.

Crisis Prevention Institute.  Reprinted with permission.  All rights reserved.